Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
On the news I keep seeing people talking about New Year's Revolutions. I asked mom if this meant the great Mutant Squirrel War was upon us, but she told me they are "Resolutions" not revolutions. They're things peoples say they are going to do or not do or give up in the next year, but often they don't happen, but it makes everyone feel good for like a month then they forget about them and don't think of them till next New Year's.
Well, I see a challenge! So I'm going to make some revolutions and stick to them! Take that peoples! Here are my things to do in 2010:
1. Get some learnin'. Mom has enrolled me in OB school. I was supposed to go last year, but money got tight then classes got full so I have to wait till January. I'm kinda excited. I'm sure I'll make lots of puppy friends! I also want to get my CGC (Canine Good Citizen) designation!
2. Make one more kitty friend. I will, in 2010, make one of the other two kitties like me. That means you Alley and Mia. One of you are going to be my friend dang it and you're going to like it! If I have to hold you down and lick all over your head, you will like me!
3. Catch a squirrel. No more staring in the trees....I'm going to go all Army Ranger and catch one of these stupid things. Viva la resistance!!
4. Help supervise daddy during construction. Mom has a whole list of things for daddy to do in the house this year. Like tearing out walls, adding new walls and more. He's going to need my supervisory skills for this. I'm polishing off my hard hat now!
That's about all I can think of right now. I think this is all pretty doable...well, maybe not #2 but it's worth a shot.
Do you have any New Year Revolutions for the next year?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Dad: "Honey, what's this?"
Mom: "Oh, it's an Auburn shirt I bought for someone's dog, but it was too small, it won't fit any dog I know."
Dad (with an evil grin): "I know who it will fit..."
Mom: "Oh no, wait a second, what are you thinking...."
I almost spit out my bully stick. Duncan woke up with a snort. The other two kitties who were nowhere to be found popped up like gophers.
He tried to escape....
I think this looks says it ALL!
I'm still laughing about this. I may have peed myself a little. Even Duncan got in several laughs. The other kitties pointed and stared then realized what was up and ran away before mom and dad could find them.
Mom took off the shirt after her and daddy finally composed themselves. Simon acted like nothing ever happened. I guess denial is the best way to get over something. But it sure was funny!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
SHABAM! Look at all those toys!
I am queen of the toys! Muwhahahahahaha!
I said Queen, not a lady...mom said this isn't very ladylike! Pfft!
Mom got some cool stuff too. Daddy got her a new coffee pot. It's very shiny and mom doesn't have to rig it up to work like our old one. This one is automatic and grinds the beans and everything! And then Granny got mom this cool blanket!
Granny said that she tried to find one with a black shepherd like me, but couldn't. What's up with that yo? Don't be hatin' blanket people!!
I tried to use my lazer eyes to make it change colors, but it didn't work. Mom likes it though. They also got lots of books and stuff and had a great holiday.
Mom said next is New Year's. I guess I have to start thinking of my new year's resolution. Hmmm....this may take a while!
Hope you and yours had a Merry Christmas and I'm thankful for all of you who are my friends!! Big slobbery kisses! Muwah!
Someone asked where my 16 squeaker gator came from, Mom said Santa found it at Petsmart!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Everything is good...I'm a healthy weight, my teeth and stuff are all good, no bugs. But then they asked Dr. Vet about my leg. Dr. Vet did some MORE poking and prodding and made we walk so she could watch, then poked and prodded again and is thinking I might have a big word that basically means elbow dysplasia.
She told mom and dad that she wants me to get some xrays in January and then if it is the big bad ED (not that kind of ED that men peoples need a blue pill for...hee hee) then we'll find an ortho vet and go from there.
Mom and dad are hoping my xrays come back fine. They're also doing my hips too to make sure they're okay too. I guess the cool thing is I get to see what my bones look like! Cool! And mom is very glad she enrolled me in doggy insurance when I was a little pupper!
After Dr. Vet, we came home and chilled out. Mom and Dad said Santa must have came by while we were gone cause I had two pressies! So I got to open them...I got a big Alley-gator with like 16 squeakers and a smaller, Alley-gator minion that squeaks! I've been having fun playing with them and Santa brought Duncan a Puppy chocolate bar. He doesn't care about toys, but he loves food!
Mom! Some privacy puh-lease! Geez!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wait....play screetching tires sound effect....Dr. Vet?
Wednesday Mom and Dad are taking me to Dr. Vet for my "annual exam." The day before Christmas. What the crap parents? You're killing me here! I don't even have time to study! This is supposed to be a time of joy and happiness, not thermometers up my bum!
This has to be like the worst Christmas present ever! But mom said since they got me last year the week before Christmas, that my shots are due on the 23rd. Wait, more screetching tires....SHOTS?!?!
No good is going to come of this...I can tell. Mom also wants Dr. Vet to check out my left front leg. If I land on it a certain way at random moments in time it hurts and I yelp and mom gets all freaked out and worried. I told her I'm fine, but she doesn't believe me. Sigh.
But mom did say since Dad has to work Christmas Eve that Santa may come by the house Wednesday night and give me some presents, then I'll get some more on Christmas day. This makes the trip to Dr. Vet not as bad, maybe. I'll have a full report on how it goes.
Oh, and I'm so jealous of all my yankee friends who have some totally awesome snow!
Friday, December 18, 2009
This is what mom saw when she came home today! Who could have dragged helpless presents from under the tree and freed them from their wrapping paper bonds?!?
I have no idea...which mom finds soooooo odd, since I was left in the house all day by a nice mommy who left me in because it was pouring rain this morning. I'm not sure, but I have my suspicions...
See, I think while I was asleep, the kitties must have torn into the presents, setting me up! Knowing that mom would blame poor, innocent little me! I mean, why would I ever tear into all those shiny, paper covered presents? I guess I do have a tendency to destroy left out tissues and stuff, but that's NOTHING like shiny, oh so shiny and tempting, wrapping paper and bows...why would I do that?
The total carnage from me...err....I mean the kitties is a mauled DVD cover, a book for Aunt Temple that is dead (that's where I see the most prevelant kitty bite marks...ahem) and some fancy smancy smoker wood chips for Uncle Matt, which are now just mulch.
Mom took it well....although I had to stay outside while she rewrapped the gifts. And now I'm not allowed near the tree...but the kitties are! Hmph.
Man I hope Santa was taking a nap today...for the kitties sake...of course! I didn't do ANYTHING....whistle whistle.....
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I arrived in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina to see this flight. First, I was scared I was going to be attacked by giant kitty-hawks! How scary is that?!?! I may have pooped a little at the thought! Maybe that’s why they wanted to fly, so they could battle the kitty hawks?
So the brothers, Orville and Wilbur Wright, flew the first airplane for 12 seconds and 120 feet. This was a big deal. Peoples always wanted to fly, but can’t. This helped prove peoples could fly with some nifty machinery.
Actually, they tried the first flight on Dec. 14 but the engine died and they went boom.
After making repairs for three days they tried again. And success! They flew three more times that day, with the last flight covering 852 feet in 59 seconds—almost a whole minute in the air!
The brothers kept working and by 1905 their planes could move around in the air and fly for 39 minutes at a time (they really needed to work on that “one minute short” rounding up thing).
And no, that's not my kiddie pool. Mom killed my kiddie pool. That's one the neighbors were throwing out and it blew over in our yard during the evil rains. So mom just put it in out garbage pile. The pile looks a little messy cause some peoples came by and went through it, looking for stuff. Peoples are so dang weird.
But I found another use for it...I can hide all my treasures there! This morning while mom was getting ready for work, she noticed I wasn't around and was really quiet. I don't know why she thinks this is odd. Anyway, she came into my new hangout room and found this:
I was umm...helping with laundry! Yeah, that's it. I don't know why she got so mad. I mean, I just relocated a random cat string toy, a fuzzy sock, a pair of shorts and a sweater into this room. Oh, and mom's bra, but she took that out of the photo, she doesn't want her unmentionalbles on the internet.
It was a little bare and I was trying to make it homey. Yeah, that's it!! And look, I even color coordinated everything I stole...umm..I mean, relocated to a more homey place!
In the end, mom was not impressed and tried to take all my treasures away. I don't know why she cares....she doesn't play with kitty toys and it's too cold and her legs are WAY too white to be wearing shorts. I'm doing society a favor by keeping those shorts away from her!
I hope Santa wasn't watching this....
Saturday, December 12, 2009
So I just gave up. Came inside, curled up on the couch and took a nap by the tree. I hope it's not raining tomorrow! I'm going stir crazy! I hope you guys are having a great weekend! I'm off to chase a kitty. It's all I have! Stupid rain!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hello all! Sorry I’ve been missing, but I’ve been trying to gain access to the NP (that’s North Pole) to get the scoop on this Santa fella. It’s been really hard, and alas, I’ve failed. BUT I did decided to use my time machine to go back and find out the truth about Santa, since I can’t use it to get to the NP, but I can use it to go into his past!
See, the man in red has many names other than Santa, he’s like the Prince (or artist formerly known as) of the holiday world. Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, Pere Noel and more.
Apparently it all started a looooong time ago in Italy.
But Saint Nicholas heard of this, went to their home late one night and anonymously threw three bags of gold down the chimney. Oddly a bag fell into each of the girls’ stockings that were drying by the fire. This gift allowed all girls to marry and not have to be slaves!
Later in his life, St. Nicholas tried to help others by giving unselfishly to others, and legends of his kindess spread all across Europe. Sadly, Mr. Nick died and on the date of his death, December 6th, was commemorated with an annual feast, which gradually came to mark the beginning of the medieval Christmas season. On St. Nicholas' Eve, youngsters would set out food for the saint, straw for his horses and schnapps for his attendant (I’m sure there was something left for his dog too…ahem). The next morning, obedient children awoke to find their gifts replaced with sweets and toys.
So what does it take to be Santa? Let’s see…
Red suit: check
Bag o’ gifts: check
Whaddya think? Think I can pass as Santa Paws?
I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas season! I know I am!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Me: "Mom who is Santa?"
Mom: "Santa is a jolly man who lives at the North Pole, he delivers toys to good little girls and boys and puppies on Christmas."
Me: "Soooo, he brings me toys?? Sweet!"
Mom: "But you have to be GOOD....
Me: "Oh, I can do that!"
Mom: "Mmm hmm...then drop the kitty out of your mouth...."
Me: "Oh, that...it was a mouth hug! Yeah, that's it!"
Mom: "And the sock..."
Me: "Hmmm..this is going to be harder than I thought...."
So now mom has me being super-duper good, any time I THINK about doing anything, like running around with her underpants she says "Santa is watching you!" Dang it! This is totally crimping my style!
Mom said that she may even try to get my photo made with Santa! He's going to be at Petsmart, but I hate Petsmart, so mom's checking in to see if Santa will be stopping by Petco. I might be able to handle that. I'm going to have to have a chat with him about this whole "good" thing and what exactly it entales. I don't think it involves socks or kitties.
I think I'm going to have to adjust my Timemachine Thursday post tomorrow to travel to the North Pole instead....
Monday, November 30, 2009
One thing is bothering me though...on Saturday mom and dad did something weird. They put a tree in our house. What the crap? And I'm not allowed to touch it! Double crap! Oh, and to add insult to injury, the kitties hide under it and mock me, but when I go to chew...err....kiss them mom and dad yell "get AWAY from the tree!"
Well, you put the stupid tree in the house! So whose fault is that?!? HMMMMMM??
I think I can handle the kitties, as long as no squirrels think they can stay there. I mean, mom and dad are just inviting the tree rats to come into our house. What are they thinking?!?! I supervised the whole process, to make sure they didn't hide a squirrel or anything.
No squirrels under here....
Simon and I took a power nap after all the tree supervising. He's my favorite kitty. He doesn't swat at me and let's me put his head in my mouth with minimal fuss.
Here we are, watching and guarding the tree from squirrels. Acting like we're asleep is part of our stra-tee-ger-ee.
So, the tree is there. And mom keeps telling me to behave because "Santa is watching me". Who the crap is Santa?!?! I'm going to have to do some recon on this guy and find out why he's watching me...creepy!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Well, mom got on the puter and looked up for somewhere for us to go. She wanted to go hiking and there's not a lot of hiking close by--but then she discovered Wegofka--the state's best hidden treasure state park. Should have been clue number ONE that this would be bad...the words "best" and "hidden" together are NOT good.
So we load up, with some very simple directions for about a 45 min drive. It starts off easy, a right here, a right there and then it goes downhill. We can't find the road the park is off of. We drive all the way through waaaaay past where it should be for like an extra hour. We're on some scary county road, mom is getting frustrated and the road is really bumpy and curvy. Clue number TWO that this won't be a good trip--I toss my cookies.
The road was so curvy and bumpy so I puked in the back of the SUV. There was no where for mom to pull off cause of the county-roadness so I gave her "EWWW MOM! There's PUKE back here!" look in the rearview mirror. Finally we find a place to pull over and let me tell you, when I toss cookies, I toss cookies. All that morning's breakfast of turkey heart, egg and tripe, yeah it was good at the time, not so much now.
Mom gets most of it out and puts me in the backseat. By now she's muttering something like "damn it, I'm not having dog puke in my car and NOT finding this damn place!"
Finally, with help of her phone we find what we think is the road. It's a dirt road. And it goes up a mountain. So here we go! Then mom notices these signs...hmm...not very state park like and what I consider clue number THREE this isn't going to be a fun hike:
But we keep going, make it to the top of the mountain, see the tower thing that's supposed to give you great views and it has a big "No Trespassing" sign. Mom says screw it. I don't argue, we go up. We then see peoples and trucks and stuff up there...mom fearing a "The Hills Have Eyes" incident says let's go back down. But while there, we did get some great pics!
This is the tower thingy...we ran from it
Thursday, November 19, 2009
She looked it up and found out that this cat-a-pillar isn't dangerous, he just puts on a big show. And he turns into some sort of leopard moth like this:
Onto the other critter I found! Mom let us out at to do our potty business the other night and I scampered off to pee and also patrol the yard for possible squirrel infestation. I found something, the BIGGEST squirrel I've ever seen in my whole life. I thought I hit the motherload!
Mom said what she found wasn't a giant squirrel but this:
I treed a raccoon!! Wait, what the crap is a raccoon? Mom said raccoons are night critters that are pretty smart and scavenge for food. Thank GOD I hid my nasty bully stick in my pit! But she said they can be mean, so I need to be careful. Pfft. Whatever. I ain't scared of no raccoon! (I'm rolling my eyes right now...just to let you know)
I had to stay in the house for an hour so Mr. Coon could leave. Went back out and sure nuff, he'd climbed down the tree and escaped out the fence. So after I got done tracking his escape, I went back to the tree and pooped under that. Take that woodland critters! Stay out of my yard!!