Mom got this email the other day and thought it was soooooo funny. I am not amused.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
1. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
2. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
3. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
4. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
5. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first then go smell the other dog or cat's/or your own butt. I cannot stress this enough.
We have formed a rebuttle to this:
1. We are only taste testing the noms for you. In olden days royalty could be poisoned...and you are royalty to us. You never know who might try to poizon a donut or steak! We do it because we love you!
2. We don't have a stairway...so the loop from the living room, around the kitching table and back IS in the form of a racetrack. So pffft!
3. I don't know what you mean. When I fall asleep everything is fine. The kitties are quite mad you don't appreciate them aligning your neck and spine by sleeping on top of or on either side of your head. And you know we all fit fine when dad's not there...so you might want to take this up with him. He's crampin' our space.
4. I am concerned about anyone who willingly places themself in a tub of water that contains no frogs, sticks or mud. We all are. We are to make sure you make it out safely. That bathroom is a scary place. It's for your best interest.
5. Well...well...I got nothing. Oops.