Thursday, September 3, 2009

Join Me in My Fight....

As you've probably noticed, I don't like squirrels. You may find yourself asking "Anna, what do you have against squirrels? They're kinda cute!"

Silly peoples! That's their disguise! As many of my puppy (and even kitty) friends know, squirrels are planning world domination. I ask you now, my brothers and sisters, join me in preparation for the great mutant squirrel war as we must defend our peoples from these evil creatures!!

What signs are there that the war is coming? Here is what I've noticed on my recon missions in the back yard...
1. Squirrels are hiding landmines...they may look like acorns and nuts, but seriously, why the hell would you bury a nut? Why don't you eat it? Take note of where they place these landmines in your area, it may be the difference between life or death!

2. They are learning to take over our peoples power! Have you seen them on the powerlines? Do you know what they're doing? They're researching ways to cut off our peoples power...meaning we'll all be left in the dark as these little devils scramble about...some of them have even sacrificed themselves for early testing by getting fried into squirrel burgers. Have they no shame?? (And totally off topic, if you have the chance to find a fried squirrel carcass I HIGHLY suggest's like the filet mignon of dead animal carcasses).

3. They practice their ninja moves by invading bird feeders. No matter how silly peoples think they make a squirrel proof bird feeder, they are just helping them train by honing in their ninja attack-break-in-robber skills. Let them have the stupid bird food, challenging them is just making them an even more scary opponent. Way to go stupid humans!

It seems no matter how many we take out, their armies keep growing. On our walk I noticed something horrible...there were like 20 squirrels under a giant tree planting land-mines. It looked like something out of Night of the Living Dead, but instead of zombies it was SQUIRREL ZOMBIES!! It even creeped mom out.

Be vigilant, be alert and protect your peoples. The war is coming my friends...and if we must join with the kitties to win this fight, that's a chance I'm willing to take.


  1. OOH --- Those are some red zombie eyes on that squirrel. They use power lines as squirrel freeways. It save them from the cats and car tires. Too bad there isn't a way to put speed bumps on the wires. Might need to think on that one.
    Ernie & Sasha

  2. Oh-my-dog! That is an evil squirrel if we ever saw one!

  3. I have a million squirrels where I live. We even see the rare black ones on occasion. I used to feed them with their own feeder (cause they kept getting the bird's food) and I eventually realized how naughty these little guys were! I have a full finished basement and I saw TWO in my basement!! One time I went downstairs and found a dead one. I think one of my dogs might have gotten to it. I felt bad but I no longer feed them (inside OR out) and want them to stay OUT of my house! They are cute - but only from a distance!

  4. Yes, we agree, squirrels are nasty and that last one is downright evil with those spooky eyes.

    woos, the OP Pack

  5. So much wisdom from such a youngster!

    I'm sooo furry impressed!


  6. That is the scariest picture I've ever seen.. a black squirrel with red laser eyes! He's trying to see into our souls!

    Marge will definitely join you in your fight! (And I will, too, as I'd love to have a walk in the woods WITHOUT Marge going crazy as soon as she sees a small creature.)

  7. I concur! I chase squirrels off the property, but there are just too many of em! as soon as I got one, another is back invading and conking us with those horrible little brown acorn bullets! Good work, Anna!