Toy Reviews

I have a lot of people ask me "Anna, your mom buys lots of dog crap, what's the best toy for my dog?"

My first response: a cat. But mom says no and does that stupid "leave it" command so I can't play with the kitties. Mom says kitties are not toys, they do not squeak and they do not want me slobbering all over them. I'm still working to disprove this completely bumpkis theory. They do too squeak...kinda.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite toys. I have like a million. Mom says she has a compulsive dog-toy shopping problem. My toy basket is full of stuff. One of my favorite past times is dragging out all my crap and making mom and dad walk through the mine field of squeakers. They do not like this, they tend to ask me stupid questions like "Why the hell did you do this?" to which I ask "why the hell can't I play with the kitties?" this conversation usually does not end well for me.

Toy 1: Bad Cuz

Bad Cuz is awesome! He's red (I guess, since I'm colorblind and all) and has feet and horns! His squeak is very loud. Best of all, he's tough "plastic" so he doesn't get dirty. I could care less about this, but it gets mom all a flutter and allows Cuz to be a inside/outside toy. Cuz also has a wicked bounce...it's like a totally cool ball...with feet...he's my fave.

2. Kong Wubba

I JUST got this for my 6month b'day. At first I was kinda like "what the crap am I supposed to do with this mom??" then she showed me that when you squeeze it, it sounds like TWO squeakers! I nearly crapped myself. This is awesome! It's in a cool Auburn Tiger pattern and it's also got all these cool leg/fabric things for me to chew on. Downside, it's heavy. If you throw it, it will hurt you. Mom threw it yesterday and almost killed a bird, which was kinda cool. I plan on using this as my first line of defense when the Great Squirrel War begins...they are plotting people!

3. Cheap ass Frisbee

As far as throwing ability goes, this thing sucks squirrels. It does not float through the air. But it has one heck of a roll. Which makes it fun to chase. I think this does not make this a a frisbee but a flat ball.

4. My Plastic Bucket (RIP)

I loved my plastic bucket. I could carry, it, put my head in it and walk around. It was awesome. Mom threw it away...she said it was nasty and all chewed on and I might swallow plastic. Now, why the heck would I do that?? I'm not stupid. I miss you bucket. You completed me. Never let go....but mom did say she was thinking of getting some plants for the yard and this means many plastic buckets...but daddy piped up and said "why bother, you kill everything you plant" so I bit dad. Party pooper.

5. Holes

To put it nicely, holes kick major butt!! Especially if they're full of mud. I freaking love holes. I love digging holes. I love putting my toys in holes. I love tricking Duncan to fall in holes. Holes rock my collar off. I had a nice huge one and have even helped mom and dad dig holes, but apparently there is a rule that they've pulled out of their butts that say that they can dig holes but I can't. This is bunk. I had a HUGE wonderful hole that they covered with a piece of tin. I still have not overcome this setback. My solution, dig a new hole. Mom and dad did not approve, but I think I've won, they realized resistance is futile and it's still there for me to dig and put toys/Duncan in.

6. Squirrel Dude

Actually, this thing frustrates the crap out of me. Mom putts goodies (like my chicken liver treats, CHEESE, dogfood, etc) in it's butt, then hands it to me to get this good stuff out of Squirrel Dude's butt. I find this degrading since it is a squirrel, but I can't help myself. I MUST get the good stuff out! She says it's my "pass-ee-fyer" and keeps me quiet so she can watch ANTM and Ghosthunters.

That's some of my favorite toys. I have tons of stuffed animals and squeaky balls. Go spoil your dog!