Battling Swine da Flu

Sorry it's taken me so long to post. Mom went to a conference and took the laptop, leaving me unable to communicate with my peeps!

I had a great sleepover weekend with my cousins! But something bad happened while we were there...a pig snuck in and tried to give us swine flu! I quickly tried to disperse (I've been watching Sanjay Gupta on CNN) the situation....oh the humanity errr piganity!

No Lilly! Even though you look like a piggy, you can't have the piggy!!

Sadie, I'm trying to save your life! No pig flu for you!

Here, I will disperse the piggy and save you all!

This is not Ring Around the Anna! Duncan quit peeing and help me!

I'll give J-man kisses...one of my favorite things to do!

Going to a Sleepover!!

Hey everybody! Sorry I've been MIA (no, not Mia the kitty but missing in action!). Not much has been going on. But today that's gonna change! Mom said she's leaving work early today and then we're going to go to a sleepover tonight!

First reaction: Sleep over what?? A bridge? A cow? A squirrel? Not at Dr Vet?!!?!?

Then mom said a sleepover is when we go "out of town" and visit people and stay at their house, like when Lola comes to visit. DO YOU KNOW HOW FRICKIN AWESOME THIS IS????

I barked at mom and started arranging my toys...should I take my NEW Bobo? My lamby? Amputee Nuclear Monkey? But mom said I don't need to take anything, that where we're going there's already toys. So, where are we going??

We're going to Aunti-Lou's to go see my cousins Lilly and SADIE!! I'm so excited. Lilly likes to chase me like she's a big dog. She's not. I'm actually not sure she's even a dog, but mom says she can't help it cause she's from France...it's a French Bulldog thing. Sadie is a Golden like Joey! Here we all are when I was "little"

I know we're going to have so much fun! AND to make me totally pee myself, mom said Aunt Temple will be there tonight and they MIGHT bring Lola! Okay, there it goes, I think I just tinkled a little bit. For real. I'm so pumped!

So I'm sitting here waiting on mom to get her ass home so we can go. I've researched "sleep overs" and have all the necessary equipment. Sleeping bag, check. Girl Talk, check. Kaboodle with makeup for makeovers, check. Cheesy 80s movies. Check.

I'm ready to go!!!

I Sniffed So Many Butts...

Hey all! It's a "Monday" whatever that means...well, it means my mom has to leave and "go to work" which sucks, I'd much rather she stay home and play with me! Dang the man!

Saturday was AWESOME! Aunt Temple came down and brought cousin Lola! Then after Lola and I chased each other for like 30 minutes, we got in the car and went to the park. I thought mom was taking me to the creek so I could show Lola around, but instead we went up to where the dogpark is. I was like "great, old dog turds, get ready Lola" but when we got up there, there were like a gazillion people and cars and DOGS!

Okay, forgive my overexageration, but I'm a dog, I can't really count. Mom said it was like 100 people and their dogs. When we got out, at first I was scared. In all my seven months of life, I'd NEVER been in a crowd like this before. I mean, there was so much going on, I couldn't watch it all....and I'm a big watcher, so it was overwhelming. Lola told me it was all okay, this was her third year at Bark in the Park, she's a big deal so to just follow her around and she'd take care of me.

After sitting with mom for a while (and several attempts to run back to the car) we slowly made our way around. We met some kids (I love kids but I don't want mom and dad to get any, I like being their kid) and that was cool. Then I started meeting all these dogs. I mean, there were all kinds of dogs there. Little tiny dogs, puppies, big dogs, dogs in clothes, a dog that looked like a polar bear, some yappy dogs (which game me flashbacks to Gary Busey Barky Pants from when I got "fixed") and some of my relatives--German Shepherds! I even met some of Duncan's pals from his therapy dog group, PAWS. It was nice to sniff butts you know, ya know?

There was only one Lola though...but that's okay, Lola is a diva and there IS NO OTHER Lola! So after sniffing butts for like hours and getting petted and getting treats, I had a great time. Mom said she was soooo proud of me. The only thing I still don't like is strollers or anything like that. The noise of the wheels is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Ouch!

They even had a "kiddie pool" which had no kids in it, only dogs. Mom wanted me to drink out of it, I just stood in it. It was sunny, I'm all black, I was hot yo! Then I sat in it, oh my butt felt good. Then I decided to lay in it...OMG it was so amazing! Mom said she'd get me a kiddie or "puppy" pool this summer. Pool party at my house!!!! Even Lola got in it!

When we went home, Lola and I fought over my free PetSmart goldfish squeaky toy I got. Then Aunt Temple and Lola left and I passed out! Man I was tired! It was a great day though....mom said this weekend we might go see cousins Sadie the Golden Retriever and Lilly the French Bulldog, Aunt Lou's dogs. Sweet!!

I let Lola have it....I had the TV tray table so HA!

How was your weekend??

FREEDOM!

After being cooped up at the house for a week, mom finally said the magical words:

"Let's go for a ride!"

Sweet! I hopped in the back of Dwight, the wonder Santa Fe, and we were off! I finally got to wear my matching new leash! First stop, the bamboo forest. Yes, when I think Alabama I think bamboo...or really, really big sticks that I cannot carry. It's very nice there. Mom likes it cause it's quiet.

I like it cause there are frogs. I will catch a frog one day...I will!

Mud I was not allowed to play in....boo!

Looking for froggies!

Then mom took me downtown to walk by the creek. She said I can't get in water yet because of my stitches, but she did take some glamour shots of me. I'm a big girl, I turn 7months on the 21st! Wow! And check out my awesome mane fur...I'm like a lion! GRRR!

That's about it. I had some lady ask mom if I was a "jackyl" because of my ears. I have no idea what a jackyl is, but apparently I'm not one, cause mom, in her "you freaking idiot" tone, was like "Umm...what? Seriously? Yeah, no...."

I'm getting ready for cousin Lola to come down and ready for mom to be off work so we can go play. Whoo hoo!

Mom, Dr. Quin Monkey Doctor

Hey all! I'm recovering from my surgery as mom said "swimmingly" which I thought meant I was going swimming but that's not the case, apparently this is a stupid human word for "good". Just say what you mean mom, my puppy brain gets confused sometimes. Geez!

The itchiness of my tummy hair growing back is less, which is great. Do you know how hard it is to scratch your own tummy when you don't have thumbs? It's near impossible people. Here's a shot of my awesome shaved belly! And yes, I've been working out.

In more important surgery news, mom astounded me with her medical skills! Somehow, my radioactive nuclear monkey lost an arm. I have NO IDEA (ahem) how this happened...I mean, there's not way I did it (ahem...that is not stuffing you see in my mouth) so I'm blaming a kitty. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket! Always blame the dastardly kitties!

So nuclear monkey had a gaping wound with stuffing coming out. Oh ,the horror, the pain, the stuffing was everywhere! Since I don't know nutthin about fixing no monkeys (I watched Gone with the Wind with mom the other night), that's when mom lept into action with a needle and thread to repair nuclear monkey. I sat and watched anxiously hoping the patient would make it...mom said she didn't think she could reattach the arm, but she could stop the profuse outpouring of stuffing.

After several touch and go moments I give you, nuclear monkey, amputee:



I inspected mom's work. Nuclear monkey was just as good as new, well, minus an arm. His squeaker is still squeaking, it was awesome...then I smelled it, the leftover aroma of stuffing...and loose arm...

I couldnt' help myself. Like a crocodile of the Nile sensing the weak water buffalo or a great white shark smelling blood in the water, I was drawn to the leftover nuclear monkey arm....the following photos are not for the faint of heart....

This is when I began the death roll, much like a crocodile. I don't know what over came me!


Full fledged attack. I swear, your Honor, it was temporary insanity! I'm just a sweet little puppy...seriously! Nom, nom, nom...monkey arm....sooo good!!!



After the aroma of stuffing and loose monkey arm subsided, I came to my senses...where am I? What am I doig? Why is there a disembodied monkey arm in my mouth!

Mom just shook her head, put nuclear back in the house and said she'd leave me with my arm. I feel like a monster...I think I need help. But I am enjoying the new extra toy of nuclear monkey arm.

Ro-Rah!

I'm super dooper pumped! Mom just told me my cousin Lola (or the artist formerly known as Ro-Rah!) is coming down Saturday to see me!

This rocks so much doggie butt! She also said there's a big doggie party going on Saturday called Bark in the Park. It benefits the local humane society. She said I might get to go, but if anything, I can take Cuz Lola up to the creek and show her around! Which means I get to get muddy and wet. This is sounding much better than this last weekend!

Now, there is only one problem with Lola, since we're both herding dogs, riddle me this, who herds who?? Normally I end up herding her just cause I'm massive compared to her but it takes a while for us to figure this out.

Anyway, I'm sooo excited! I need to go dig a new hole! Whoo hoo!

Seriously Mom....

Do you know what this is? At first I was like, why did mom buy me a hubcap. Then she informed me it's my new doggy food bowl. Ummm...what?

APPARENTLY mom says I eat too fast and I need to slow down. This stupid bowl is supposed to make me slow down. At first I was like "no freakin way!" then I tried to eat out of it. Holy crap it's hard. I mean, I'm not going to starve, but it does take me longer. Like Duncan and his "regular" bowl finishes before I do...not allowing me to steal extra food from his "regular" bowl.

This sucks. I can't help it. I love my Blue Buffalo Sweet Potato and Fish recipe food. I've never seen a fish or know what a potatoe is, but I like them. Especially when mom puts yogurt or a raw egg in my bowl with my kibble. But now, I have to pace myself. WTF??

The other thing, this doesn't stay in place like my other bowl, so here I am trying to get the last yogurty-fishy-potaotey morsels of my food and I'm scooting it all over the kitchen. Sigh. I swear, I knew I never should have let mom go to the pet store unsupervised, she comes home with this crap.

She said it's for my health so I don't "bloat" but I think she just gets the giggles out of seeing me suffer for her own human amusement. And she wonders why I run around the house with her bras in my mouth, it's revenge mom! Revenge!!

Teefers!!

I was playing Friday night and rolling around on my back, allowing my newly waxed belly to be shown to the world! During this I was smiling and showing my "teefers." Mom died laughing and of course, got the camera.

She kept saying "there is not Anna, only Zuul!!!" which I have no idea what that means, but mom found it hilarious. I figured it was good to see mom laughing after I treated her like monkey poop the day before.

I also discovered that Lamby does NOT have a squeaker, but I can de-fur him.

Saturday mom gave me an egg for Easter. I love raw eggs. I get one each week. I eat everything, shell and all. It's yummy and helps keep me shiney. I like shiney things and I like me, so it's win win.

Saturday night/Sunday our house was infiltrated by "inlaws". I don't know what or who these people were, but I didn't really like them. They kept mom in the kitchen and they were kinda loud. By the time they left yesterday mom was exauhsted. We played a little bit then we all went to bed by 9 p.m.

Oh, and my belly is itchy. Not good.

Went Under the Knife and Left with a Brazillian....

Okay, I'm back. I've kicked mom off the blog, although I'm glad to see she kept you updated!

Let's start with why I was a butt to her on Thursday morning. At 4 a.m., Alley decided to share with me what "fixed" was. According to Alley, they were going to take me to Dr. Vet, give me a shot, then I'd wake up stoned off my fuzzy arse, be very sore, throw up, etc. All the details MOM left out. So, I needed time to think, away from mom. I felt deceived.

So, when we got to the vets office, I was STARVING! I could smell milkbones, but couldn't have any. This made me pissy. I mean, you don't eat for like hours then someone throws a hamburger in front of you. Come on!
Mom was a little freaked out, so I tried to tell her I'd be okay by trying to go TO Dr. Vet. I think this made her more upset. I was like, "whatever mom! you're embarrassing me, time for you to go! I'm a BIG GIRL! Duh!"

Mom left, they took me back and this is where things get fuzzy...I remember being put on the scale (I'm a petite 52lbs!) then they kinda put me in a cage or what they called a "kennel" with some kind of towel, but I know it wasn't really a towel because it's not Ralph Lauren like our towels at home. I did not like this. It was small, the dog next to me smelled like old dog-park turds and the dog (well, it looked more like a poofy squirrel hopped up on smack with giant buggy eyes, or a small furry Garry Busey) across from me WOULD NOT SHUT UP!!! OMG Just SHUT UP dude!!! It was horrible! I was trying to plan an escape or a way to make a dart gun and kill the buggy eyed squirrel.

But finally, the nice vet tech lady came to free me from this Turkish prison. I was happy. Then I heard them say "okay, the shaver's ready to go..." hey wait, what's a shaver?? then I felt a prick on my leg, then things got like fuzzy...real fuzzy....Que fade to black and trippy LSD/Hippy music....

I came in and out a couple of times. I felt like I'd been hit in the head with my Wubba by the Hulk. I didn't eve HEAR Mr. Barky McBarky Pants across from me. I was out. I think they tried to feed me something....it was not my kibble...

Eventually mom came to get me. I kinda wagged my tail...I think. I was glad to be heading home. I think. I got in the car. I do remember puking, twice. , so my theory of being fed was spot on. But mom said that was okay, she'd clean it up. She got me home, put me on the couch and gave me a Lamby and a blanket. Mom took such good care of me. I can't believe I was mad at her. She kept saying she was sorry. Poor mom.

Dad said "it's not like we've not gone through this before, she'll be fine!"

Mom said "Well EXCUSE ME that I feel bad that our little girl just got her ovaries
ripped out!"

Daddy said: "I'm sorry dear."

Daddy is smart.

She tried to make me eat. Wasn't happening. I had bad doggy kibble puke flashbacks (never puke up kibble if you can help it, especially Science Diet, Blah!) For some reason I wanted to lay outside, apparently this made complete sense to me. But mom said no there was dirt and bugs out there so I had to be inside. This was probably wise. I don't think I should have been making any decisions....deciding if I needed to pee or poop was hard enough!

Dad put me in bed and that was all I remember. THEN at 5 am I woke up STARVING! Mom got up with me and fed me, cause she's amazing. Then, we slept for like another hour, then got up and I got to ride with mom to B'ham while mom "did taxes"

It was on the way up I realized I have a Brazilian wax job on my belly! OMG it's kinda cute, but I know it's going to itch like a mo-fo when it grows back. Mom was happy saying the taxes are good and we don't have to "pay" so she took me to a Superpetz and got me a new toy...a crazy radioactive mutant monkey! He rocks!

We also tracked down a Petco and I got a new big girl collar and leash! It's pink plaid and bigger than my old collar. See, me, my new collar, radioactive monkey and Lamby below:

We came home and I've just been chilling. And eating.

Thanks for all the well wishes. I'll get mom to get a shot of my amazing wax job! It's soooo perfect for summer!

Stoned...

Anna's home...she's stoned. She threw up in the car on the way home. Twice. She's still giving me the stink eye.

We've drank water, eaten a piece of cheese with her pain pill and two pieces of kibble. We've made it out to potty.

She's become very attached to lamby, as seen here. Thanks for all the well wishes. Hopefully she can tell you everything that happened tomorrow, but now she's mom's little patient and is sleeping. The kitties are even leaving her alone.

~Dog Mom

Update: All is Well

Anna's out of surgery, Dr. Vet said everything went well and she'll be ready for me to pick up about 4 p.m. this afternoon. I can't wait...even though she was a little butt to me this morning...

Mom's Account of this Morning.

~Dog Mom

Dropped Off

Hey, it's Anna's mom. I dropped her off at the vet this morning and will update later today, or Anna will, if she's not too stoned.

~Dog Mom

The Truth is Revealed

Do you see a problem with the above picture? I do...it's a dog food bowl. With nothing in it. And it's not empty because I just ate. It's empty because mom and dad are going to with-hold food from me. Someone call the humane society on them, now.

This morning when mom and I woke up (well, when I woke her up by licking the side of her head) I just asked mom "Okay, what's going on tomorrow? My little puppy brain can't handle it and the kitties are no help and I'm having a complex!"

Mom explained that tomorrow morning I'm going to Dr. Vet where he's going to give me some sleepy medicine and then I'll wake up, be stoned out of my gourd, a little sleepy and then she'll come pick me up and take me home and I'll get to lay around with her on the bed and couch and be spoiled rotten. I won't feel like playing so we'll just take it easy, and we'll have to take it easy for a few days.

Sounds easy enough. Not near as bad as what I was thinking or anything like what Alley told me this morning of being "fixed" is when they turn you into a squirrel. I pondered this for hours, worried I'd turn into an evil, demon possessed squirrel since squirrels have no toys or squeaky toys...whew!

Then mom said this:

"Bad thing is, you can't eat anything after 10 tonight and no breakfast in the morning"
WOMAN?? What the crap?? No breakfast?? Why don't you just drop me off on the side of the road?? Breakfast is like, like the best thing ever (besides belly rubs and cat poop). It completes me! Huff.

But she assured me tonight I'll get a bunch of food, a pork neck bone and some puppy ice-cream. I think she's trying to buy my love. I guess that's okay though. Mom does seem a little stressed about it...but she says everything will be fine.

I did overhear her tell daddy on the phone that she knows everything will be fine but she'll feel much better when she gets me home. Awww....never mind mom, I won't call the humane society on you (plus I have no thumbs, I couldn't if I wanted too). I love you too. You're awesome.

But don't be surprised if I kick or throw a food bowl across the kitchen in the morning. You need coffee, I need kibble.

Details Emerge...

So last night Dad was at work and it was just me, mom, Duncan and the kitties. The kitties still refuse to dish out anything. They could be spies for Russia they're so good. So I keep chasing them just to piss them off. They deserve it.

I was laying on the floor next to mom chewing on my squirrel dude when mom whips this out:

"You have a long week Mrs. Belle! Thursday will be over quick and it's the best thing for you, we don't want any suitors coming around. We'll go get your new collar on Friday when we go up to Birmingham since I can't leave you here, and since you'll be a big girl and need your big girl collar!"

Okay, let's disect this comment:

1. "over quick" does not sound like a good thing...it sounds like a load of bunk you tell someone to make them feel better.

2. "best thing for you" echos the sentiment above...the best thing for me is a giant bone, a squeaky ball and a piece of cheese. None of which was mentioned

3. "suitors" what the hell are suitors??

4. "new collar" okay, that sounds fine

5. "can't leave you here" why can't you leave me here? What does this even mean??

6. "big girl collar" I guess I am a big girl, I'm on the last knotch of my current collar. But it does also sound like she's trying to buy my love or is buttering me up for something...

I only have like two days left, so I guess I'll just have to stick with listening to the parents since the kitties are about as helpful as squirrels at this point.

Take Your Daughter to Work Day

Soo...the kitties turned out to be a complete wash. Last night Mia slowly freed each kitty toy, which I took from her then got in trouble for having in my mouth. But, mom stepped up and put all the kitty toys in a drawer. Take THAT kitties!!

Saturday mom had to take dad something at the firestation. I love the firestation. I like running around sniffing stuff, plus I always get lots of treats. Mom said she can't believe she's never taken any pictures of me at dad's work, so she took the camera. I must say, I look pretty good, oh, and dad does too.

All the firemen were laughing talking about how they had all had their daughters up there that day and now with me, it was a complete "Bring your daughter to work day". For some reason they found this hilarious. They also joke it's funny to have a police dog at the firestation. This is getting old. I ain't no police dog. I'm a squirrel hunting dog. Geez.

Here are some pics of me at daddy's work. I'm off to go see how else I can torture the kitties....


Everything looks in order....


See, wha'd I tell ya, treats!!!!



Doing "focus" work with daddy...aka getting treats for looking at him....



Mom likes this photo...I'm smiling with my eyes....



Mom really likes this photo...I'm FIERCE!!!!!

Taking Hostages...

The kitties are still not telling me squat...I've taken their kitty toys and kitty food hostage until one of them breaks...I figure it will be Alley first. The loss of canned food should drive her CRAZY! I mean, she does weigh like 20 lbs.

Simon has said he has no idea what "fixed" is...I believe him...I think....but he's also the most vocal in the mornings about the canned food. It may be a trap. Hmm...on second thought, I'm not believing him...he's shifty.

The Interrogation....

....continues....the kitties have shared NOTHING....urgh.....

What needs Fixed?

The parents are plotting something....I can feel it.

Mom and dad were talking today and mom said she's "made an appointment for Anna to get fixed."

I have no idea what the appointment if for, or what needs fixing, but I do know the word "Anna" was used and it was not followed by "treat, food, toy, pretty girl or walk".

Also after hearing this, two of the kitties, Mia and Alley, pointed at me and laughed. They refuse to tell me what this "fixin" is about.

I do not have a good feeling about this.

My appointment is for next Thursday. That gives me five days to figure out what the hell this means. I plan on cornering the kitties and making them spill it...I also will be listening with my giant ears to get more details from the parents.

Duncan is of no help. Simon just stares at me and sings some lyrics of the Final Countdown by Europe...sometimes I really hate the kitties.

I guess I'll whip out my toolbelt and see if I can fix whatever it is by Thursday, that way I won't have to be fixed, I'll have already fixed it. Hmmm.....

Toy Reviews

I have a lot of people ask me "Anna, your mom buys lots of dog crap, what's the best toy for my dog?"

My first response: a cat. But mom says no and does that stupid "leave it" command so I can't play with the kitties. Mom says kitties are not toys, they do not squeak and they do not want me slobbering all over them. I'm still working to disprove this completely bumpkis theory. They do too squeak...kinda.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite toys. I have like a million. Mom says she has a compulsive dog-toy shopping problem. My toy basket is full of stuff. One of my favorite past times is dragging out all my crap and making mom and dad walk through the mine field of squeakers. They do not like this, they tend to ask me stupid questions like "Why the hell did you do this?" to which I ask "why the hell can't I play with the kitties?" this conversation usually does not end well for me.

Toy 1: Bad Cuz

Bad Cuz is awesome! He's red (I guess, since I'm colorblind and all) and has feet and horns! His squeak is very loud. Best of all, he's tough "plastic" so he doesn't get dirty. I could care less about this, but it gets mom all a flutter and allows Cuz to be a inside/outside toy. Cuz also has a wicked bounce...it's like a totally cool ball...with feet...he's my fave.

2. Kong Wubba

I JUST got this for my 6month b'day. At first I was kinda like "what the crap am I supposed to do with this mom??" then she showed me that when you squeeze it, it sounds like TWO squeakers! I nearly crapped myself. This is awesome! It's in a cool Auburn Tiger pattern and it's also got all these cool leg/fabric things for me to chew on. Downside, it's heavy. If you throw it, it will hurt you. Mom threw it yesterday and almost killed a bird, which was kinda cool. I plan on using this as my first line of defense when the Great Squirrel War begins...they are plotting people!

3. Cheap ass Frisbee

As far as throwing ability goes, this thing sucks squirrels. It does not float through the air. But it has one heck of a roll. Which makes it fun to chase. I think this does not make this a a frisbee but a flat ball.

4. My Plastic Bucket (RIP)

I loved my plastic bucket. I could carry, it, put my head in it and walk around. It was awesome. Mom threw it away...she said it was nasty and all chewed on and I might swallow plastic. Now, why the heck would I do that?? I'm not stupid. I miss you bucket. You completed me. Never let go....but mom did say she was thinking of getting some plants for the yard and this means many plastic buckets...but daddy piped up and said "why bother, you kill everything you plant" so I bit dad. Party pooper.

5. Holes

To put it nicely, holes kick major butt!! Especially if they're full of mud. I freaking love holes. I love digging holes. I love putting my toys in holes. I love tricking Duncan to fall in holes. Holes rock my collar off. I had a nice huge one and have even helped mom and dad dig holes, but apparently there is a rule that they've pulled out of their butts that say that they can dig holes but I can't. This is bunk. I had a HUGE wonderful hole that they covered with a piece of tin. I still have not overcome this setback. My solution, dig a new hole. Mom and dad did not approve, but I think I've won, they realized resistance is futile and it's still there for me to dig and put toys/Duncan in.

6. Squirrel Dude

Actually, this thing frustrates the crap out of me. Mom putts goodies (like my chicken liver treats, CHEESE, dogfood, etc) in it's butt, then hands it to me to get this good stuff out of Squirrel Dude's butt. I find this degrading since it is a squirrel, but I can't help myself. I MUST get the good stuff out! She says it's my "pass-ee-fyer" and keeps me quiet so she can watch ANTM and Ghosthunters.

That's some of my favorite toys. I have tons of stuffed animals and squeaky balls. Go spoil your dog!