Friday, April 10, 2009

Went Under the Knife and Left with a Brazillian....

Okay, I'm back. I've kicked mom off the blog, although I'm glad to see she kept you updated!

Let's start with why I was a butt to her on Thursday morning. At 4 a.m., Alley decided to share with me what "fixed" was. According to Alley, they were going to take me to Dr. Vet, give me a shot, then I'd wake up stoned off my fuzzy arse, be very sore, throw up, etc. All the details MOM left out. So, I needed time to think, away from mom. I felt deceived.

So, when we got to the vets office, I was STARVING! I could smell milkbones, but couldn't have any. This made me pissy. I mean, you don't eat for like hours then someone throws a hamburger in front of you. Come on!
Mom was a little freaked out, so I tried to tell her I'd be okay by trying to go TO Dr. Vet. I think this made her more upset. I was like, "whatever mom! you're embarrassing me, time for you to go! I'm a BIG GIRL! Duh!"

Mom left, they took me back and this is where things get fuzzy...I remember being put on the scale (I'm a petite 52lbs!) then they kinda put me in a cage or what they called a "kennel" with some kind of towel, but I know it wasn't really a towel because it's not Ralph Lauren like our towels at home. I did not like this. It was small, the dog next to me smelled like old dog-park turds and the dog (well, it looked more like a poofy squirrel hopped up on smack with giant buggy eyes, or a small furry Garry Busey) across from me WOULD NOT SHUT UP!!! OMG Just SHUT UP dude!!! It was horrible! I was trying to plan an escape or a way to make a dart gun and kill the buggy eyed squirrel.

But finally, the nice vet tech lady came to free me from this Turkish prison. I was happy. Then I heard them say "okay, the shaver's ready to go..." hey wait, what's a shaver?? then I felt a prick on my leg, then things got like fuzzy...real fuzzy....Que fade to black and trippy LSD/Hippy music....

I came in and out a couple of times. I felt like I'd been hit in the head with my Wubba by the Hulk. I didn't eve HEAR Mr. Barky McBarky Pants across from me. I was out. I think they tried to feed me was not my kibble...

Eventually mom came to get me. I kinda wagged my tail...I think. I was glad to be heading home. I think. I got in the car. I do remember puking, twice. , so my theory of being fed was spot on. But mom said that was okay, she'd clean it up. She got me home, put me on the couch and gave me a Lamby and a blanket. Mom took such good care of me. I can't believe I was mad at her. She kept saying she was sorry. Poor mom.

Dad said "it's not like we've not gone through this before, she'll be fine!"

Mom said "Well EXCUSE ME that I feel bad that our little girl just got her ovaries
ripped out!"

Daddy said: "I'm sorry dear."

Daddy is smart.

She tried to make me eat. Wasn't happening. I had bad doggy kibble puke flashbacks (never puke up kibble if you can help it, especially Science Diet, Blah!) For some reason I wanted to lay outside, apparently this made complete sense to me. But mom said no there was dirt and bugs out there so I had to be inside. This was probably wise. I don't think I should have been making any decisions....deciding if I needed to pee or poop was hard enough!

Dad put me in bed and that was all I remember. THEN at 5 am I woke up STARVING! Mom got up with me and fed me, cause she's amazing. Then, we slept for like another hour, then got up and I got to ride with mom to B'ham while mom "did taxes"

It was on the way up I realized I have a Brazilian wax job on my belly! OMG it's kinda cute, but I know it's going to itch like a mo-fo when it grows back. Mom was happy saying the taxes are good and we don't have to "pay" so she took me to a Superpetz and got me a new toy...a crazy radioactive mutant monkey! He rocks!

We also tracked down a Petco and I got a new big girl collar and leash! It's pink plaid and bigger than my old collar. See, me, my new collar, radioactive monkey and Lamby below:

We came home and I've just been chilling. And eating.

Thanks for all the well wishes. I'll get mom to get a shot of my amazing wax job! It's soooo perfect for summer!


  1. So glad everything went okay. I had my paws crossed for you. And what great new toys and big girl collar. =)

  2. Thank you so much! I know! This "guilt" thing mom has is AWESOME!! I even got CANNED food! Whoot!

    Where's Ohio? Is it far from Alabama? I'd love a playdate!

  3. Hi Anna! We're glad you're feeling better! Nice collar and toys! Looks like you did okay on the whole operation thing.

    Happy Easter!

    See ya!
    Joey and Zeke

  4. We are so glad that everything is going well. That puking stuff really sucks..

    Big Sloppy Kisses
    Gus, Louie and Callie